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Turn, Turn, Turn. ..
It is not that couples argue that makes problems in relationships. In most cases, it is what happens after the fight. Do you turn toward your partner or do you turn away. Do you reach out or do you have hours or even days of silence or ongoing eruptions restarting the fight again and again. Maybe the whole thing seems to simply disappear as if it never existed. Usually unresolved, unrepaired battles between people who have promised to care for one another, do not simply disappear.
read moreTen Commandments for Relationship Essentials
The following is a basic framework for relationship success. Stay tuned for more about this in future posts. In the mean time, copy and paste this to a document and print- post it in a prominent place in your home where both you and your partner can review if frequently. 1. THOU SHALT protect the safety and security of thy relationship at all costs. 2. THOU SHALT base thy relationship on true mutuality, remembering that all decisions and actions must be good for thee AND for thine partner. 3. THOU SHALT not threaten the...
read moreThe Mindful Marriage- The Warring Brain-part 1
You Brain is Not Your Friend When it Comes to Relationships!
read moreSimple Techniques for Conflict Resolution
Resolving Conflicts in Relationships Every relationship has conflicts. In some relationships, conflict is a serious problem; in others, differences seem to be resolved without creating a major incident. Think about the kinds of conflicts that happen in your daily life. These are typical: Disagreements over who should do what Disagreements over how things should be done Conflicts of personality and style arguments about how one partner treats the other Nonproductive Ways of Dealing with Conflict Now that we’ve...
read moreArguing with Your Spouse: The Emotional Hijacking
Do you argue with your spouse? Arguments are normal in a healthy relationship. Two people, different views on the world, different histories, and different experiences- are bound to argue at times. Arguments can be constructive. But in some circumstances, arguments can be destructive to your relationship leaving you depleted and devastated. These article discuses a type of arguing that leaves a trail of broken relationships in its wake. And, the fact is, that our brains natural functioning can actually work against our loving bonds. Our brains...
read moreFix My Wife, Please!
Fix My Wife, Please! 95% of the time, when I sit across the room from a couple in marriage counseling, each of them is asking me, in one way or another, to fix their partner. Yet, the fact is that 99% of the time there is no one to blame. What is the old saying, one finger points at me, three point back at you? If you are looking at your partner as the problem, you are most likely looking in the wrong place!! Why do we blame each other so readily? The main reason is that we, as a culture, maybe as a race, are not good at taking...
read moreSingle and Dating a Married Man
I was at the bookstore some time back, standing in the self -help/relationship section (yes, we psychologists read these books too) when an interesting thing happened. A young, very attractive woman walked up with her friend. She was loudly talking about the type of book she was looking for, one to help with her problem of course. Her problem, she was telling her friend, was her boyfriend, he just wouldn’t leave his wife. Now this woman was attractive and I could tell that she was intelligent by the way she talked. Well, at least she was...
read moreThe Challenger Disaster: Do You Remember?
The Challenger Disaster: A Remberence I am writting this post on a special subject on a special day. I wanted to take a moment to express my thoughts on an incident of note from my memory. It was 25 years ago today, January 28, 1986 that the space shuttle Challenger exploded shortly after lift off. There are a few times in your life when an incident is so powerful that you remember if with incredible detail- as if it happened only yesterday. Anyone who was alive when President Kennedy was assassinated can probably tell you where they were,...
read moreForgiveness and Healing: One Man’s story
Forgiveness and Healing: One Man’s story I don’t, by habit, write extensively about myself on this blog. But, I had such a powerful experience a few weeks ago that I felt compelled to write about it. This story is one of intrigue, suffering, long held resentment, love and hatred, singing of the blues (she done me wrong), forgiveness and transformation. The characters are celebrities, healers, and ghosts from the past. First off, the apex of this story occurred the first week of December while at a conference of NICABM (The National...
read moreRelationship Rules for Men: Three Tips for a Great Relationship
Relationship Rules for Men: Three Tips for a Great Relationship We all wish for a perfect relationship. Most of us at the beginning, either as a child, or later as an adult, we imagine that marriage is going to be the idyllic relationship . . . You meet the perfect person- you have that feeling- that feeling of your heart going into your stomach, or your stomach going into you heart, or changing places or something like that. But the reality never quite lives up to the fantasy. After you are married, the fantasy can take a nose dive- reality...
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